psychedelic dreams

“A dream is a wish your heart makes
when you’re fast asleep
In dreams you lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep
Have faith in your dreams and someday
your rainbow will come smiling through
No matter how your heart is grieving
if you keep on believing
the dream that you wish will come true.”

I had terrible, terrible dreams last night. I can never imagine that I could dream of such things. THey hurt me. But I like it. It reminds me of  what I love, who I love, what I live for. Cinderella was right. They can’t order me to stop dreaming. He can tell me to do whatever he wants. But he can’t stop me from dreaming.

I still can’t stop from crying right now. I’ve been awoken thrice now. The most peaceful sleep was for only 3 hours. Total number of hours of sleep is 5 hours and 30 minutes.

Yes, I am deeply bothered. I can’t sleep right. I can’t eat right. I can’t move right. I know he’s going to say that he has been suffering like this for the past few months. What he doesn’t know is that I suffer double. He just says that he knows how I feel. But I don’t think so.

I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I really am lost and don’t know what to do. With one of the people I lean on to leaving for a job opportunity abroad, I just don’t know how I’ll do without her. She has been my only source of strength through times like this. She has been very supportive of me. She has been very supportive of me eversince. As I’ve mentioned earlier, probably because she’s a woman, like me. And she feels what I feel.

I try to be rational about things. I try to understand why everything happened. I try to understand why he thinks that way. I try to understand why he hates me so much. I try to understand why I cannot be good enough. I try so hard. I try so hard to make him understand as well. But he simply runs away. And I can only sigh in disbelief. I never thought that this was how much of a coward he is. But I still love him. I really do.

And I dream about him every time I close my eyes and succumb to the Sandman’s tricks. I wish that everything was okay even in my sleep. And yes, they can’t stop me from dreaming. And they can’t stop me from pursuing my dreams.

Remember those fairy tales that tell us of values and morals that we should live with through our lives. True enough, these stories help us absorb better the things that our parents would want to teach us.

Let’s remember Pinnochio whose nose would increase in length whenever he tells a lie. We also would like to put in mind the boy who cried wolf who people ceased to believe after getting tired of his false calls of alarm. At first we would all hate these characters. However, these characters portray two possible effects of something bad that you do.
Pinnochio was lucky to have been forgiven and given another chance to right the wrong that he did. He was lucky that people still had the heart to believe in him even if he had caused trouble for most and of course to himself too.
On the other hand, the poor boy who was supposed to be warning the people when the wolves were coming, ended up being gobbled up by the wolves.

My point being here is that if an opportunity is given to you, then go make the most out of it. Because you don’t always get a chance to right the wrong. You don’t always have the chance to convince other people to believe in what you are saying. And the sad part is that you end up like that poor boy who got gobbled up by those nasty wolves. I’m not saying that you would literally get gobbled up by wolves. But it is that you will be killed socially, so to speak.

So the moral of the story today is to make the most out of every opportunity given to you. You never know hoe many bullets they give you until they actually hand them to you.

I just hope that life gives me more bullets to take a shot at this. *sigh*

daddy,

i just got home from work today. i am tired after a long day. i wish you were here to make me feel better.
recent events have been tumultuous: petty misunderstandings, lapses in communication, little bouts of pride, glitches in security in the relationship. i know that sometimes we entertain the thought of giving up on the fight. i know that sometimes we entertain the thought of turning away from all this. it wavers our strength and commitment. we become weak.

but i strongly and firmly stand steadfast to the promise we made. and i know that deep in our hearts the love for each other flourishes more beautifully than the first bloom of spring. i know that at the end of the day we still long to be in each others’ arms. i know that in the end of the day it will be us, not you and me, but us.

to my knight in shining armor, to my lullaby, to my kryptonite, i love you always until the end of time, as I have promised you. I love you.

forever yours,
kim

I was sitting there right beside you
But it seemed like I wasn’t there
You were looking away
This pain you couldn’t bear

I tried to call your name
But seems like you couldn’t hear
I tried to make you turn my way
But the pain just lingers near

How do I mend your broken heart
When I broke it in the first place?

I am the unforgiven.

how do you tell my heart to not yearn for you
when it beats in the same rhythm as yours?

how do you tell my soul to not stir
when it only knows its tranquility in yours?

how to you impair my taste
when it only knows the sweetness of your kisses?

how do you cancel out the sensation
when it only knows the warmth of your touch?

how do you take me away from this sadness
when i only know that my happiness is in you?

i miss you babe.

i held you close
like i have wanted to
for a long time

i looked into your eyes
like i dreamt of
since

i wished
i could stop time
so we wouldn’t let go

but we had to

we had to let go…

it was then
when i last
looked into your eyes

and we let go…

we had to let go…

i watched you
disappear
around the bend

we just had to let go…

so we know that
one day…

you’ll come
round the bend again

and that time we won’t

we’ll never let go…

It was a scene from a movie
Under the Christmas tree
You held me close and gave me a kiss
You walked away
You looked back and waved

I didn’t want to see you go
But you had to.

I had to let you go

I turned and walked away
Tears stinging my eyes
I looked up to the sky
And saw that the moon was full

I miss you…

Tears fell
as the moon shone down on me.

I miss you…
no…
I love you…

And when I see a full moon
I will remember that night
when we last held hands
when we last held each other close
Just you and I
Just you and I…

The sun is coming up
The stars are all fading
Take my hand
I’ll walk you home

Over the hills
Through the plains
Take my hand
I’ll walk you home

Small talk and confessions
Finding out about you and I
Take my hand
I’ll walk you home

With cold feet and sweaty hands
Don’t let go
Take my hand
I’ll walk you home

Don’t let go
While I walk you home.

Yung magikero ba marunong magmahal?

Oo na. Umaamin na. Tunaw na yung puso eh. Ayaw ko naman umasa. Ayaw ko namang maging assuming.

Eh ano naman kung gumagana yung magic sa nagyeyelong puso?
Eh marunong bang magmahal yung magikero?

Yun lang! Don lang ako nasawi…

Mahal kita… sana marunong na lang din ako magmagic.